Meltdown Meets Solution
Nov 7th, 2008 by Di
Some of you may think it’s kind of unusual how I haven’t been very devoted to my blog, lately, or that I haven’t been taking much time to comment on the MMBA forum. You’ve read about my evasion of the U.P. Cyclocross Championships, and my inability to make an actual ride happen, either due to weather, school, or lack of energy. I may not have put it like that, but I have pretty much been experiencing a meltdown.
I felt fat, unattractive, lazy, unhealthy, unhappy, and just plain “un.” Due to the timing of my very busy schedule and our very unwelcome rainy weather, I haven’t been able to really ride in three weeks. Anyone who regularly rides knows that missing three weeks of intense activity can have quite a negative impact on one’s mentality. In fact, Runner’s World once reported that athletes who missed their regular activity for a certain period of time were likely to experience clinical depression to a considerable degree. I can’t remember the exact time frame tested by the study to which they referred, but I believe it was quite close to the three week mark.
I’ve been out several times, this week and last, socializing and drinking. Last night, my friend, Don, and I decided to meet at the Michigan Tech Trails today at 3:30. Don said that we would ride rain or snow. I told him I would even show in the event of sunshine. 
While the sky was mostly cloudy, Don and I found the temperature to be excellent for our ride. We knocked out twelve miles in two hours.
After the ride, I headed to The Library for a healthy post-ride meal and a pint of beer. I found myself zoning out and sitting on my bar stool in perfect serenity.
I still felt fat and unattractive, but not so lazy, quite happy, and the un was dwindling. Even though I looked like crap, and probably smelled, I didn’t care. How fitting. I shouldn’t really give two flying you-know-whats because I’m a cyclist. I’m a pretty talented cyclist and you know something? We cyclists are pretty amazing people – even in all of our fugly, glorious stenchiness.
Di–
I think most of us have been there. I tend to beat myself up most about the “fat” and “unattractive,” but for some reason getting back out there just helps. I got out three times this past week after a neglecting my bikes for several weeks. It didn’t make me instantly less fat or more attractive, but it chipped away at the “lazy” and made me feel amazingly better. It sounds like getting back out there was exactly what you needed, too.
Good to see you back. Sipping into depressions happens before you know it….but you are one of the fortunate few that understand and can see the signs…..then do something to prevent….or rather try to prevent it.
Ride on.
Thanks, guys!
I had a horrible time with depression in my early 20s. I went through it in the army and it climaxed while I was at Michigan State. It took a while, but I finally got on medication and was able to grow and learn how to cope.
Due to my personal analysis (I analyze everything), I’m very aware of the symptoms and I’m pretty quick to realize what I need to do to stay on the straight and narrow.
Ahhh… the snow is brightening up things around here and it looks like the same up in your area. That has certainly lifted my spirits… I’m now looking forward to after-work x-country skiing with work friends, sipping Kahlua (spelling?) that’s warmed with rum… from a flask!
And, good films on snowy sunday afternoons… or some downhill skiing with more… flask action. Keep the chin up & keep on moving Di… 
p.s. I think I consume more alcohol drinks during the winter.. or maybe that’s during the school-year?