I have an addictive personality. Those of you who regularly follow this blog have probably figured that out, by now. I immerse myself in my projects. It’s not that I have just a couple of projects, but I get involved with many projects. It’s quite insane. These projects are all related, too. A quick synopsis:
• Applying for med school: the type of doctor I wish to become has more time and money to devote to mountain biking than I did as a full-time ultrasound tech taking call (trust me – I did my research).
• I am a board member for the Red Jacket – Bluesky Health Cycling Team.
• I have recently become the webmaster and Color Tour coordinator for the Copper Country Cycling Club.
• I am currently running for an MMBA State Board Member At-Large position.
• I devote a lot of time to maintaining this cycling web site.
• Cross country skiing and weight training are done to improve my cycling.
Interesting, eh?
This is how I deal with things. I am not one to dwell on the negative aspects of my life. I learned a long time ago that I simply cannot deal with that kind of negativity. It eats away at me and I become a less-functional person. I lose hope easily.
I am not an expert, by any means, but cycling is something that I really am good at. I don’t claim to be an awesome board member, but my passion for the sport has created quite a devotion to related activities. I actually feel useful, and I need that. It is almost as if cycling validates me as a human being. That is almost sad, if you think about it, but I have found an addiction that allows me to deal with life, no matter how difficult life gets.
This addiction didn’t develop because of my usefulness or business with the sport, though. It developed from the physical and biochemical effects it has on me. If you see me after a really hard workout, you’ll most likely find someone who almost looks high. Three hours of mentally challenging mountain biking – i.e. technical riding – forces me to clear my mind and focus on the trail, or I may endo, and we don’t want that. 
This clearing of the mind is equivalent to meditation. Actually, it is meditation, only I’m sitting on a bike instead of the floor, and my heart rate is about 165 beats per minute instead of 65 beats per minute. Meditation is simply the clearing of the mind. Sure, it can be much more complex than that, but it is essentially clearing the mind and centering. Mountain biking is the only thing that allows me to achieve this.
My mind is so busy with all of my projects and stress that I need to be forced into meditation. After forced meditation and the effects of physical exercise, I feel like I’ve popped a bit more Prozac than I should have, and I do know what Prozac feels like. It is truly amazing what the right activity can do for one’s emotions. It is truly amazing how one activity can improve all aspects of one’s life.
Best of all, I feel high, and I know that there won’t be some weird hangover, and that natural highs aren’t illegal or potentially damaging to my future life. Prozac-free for over four years and taking on the biggest challenges of my life, I am currently facing what I didn’t even dare to dream, before. I guess the lesson learned is that, while one probably won’t be able to change his or her personality type, one’s focus can most certainly be directed into something much greater and positive. I hope my addiction is a testimonial to that.
The above photo was taken Thanksgiving week in 2007 at the Kokopelli trails in Colorado. For more photos from this trip, check out my Colorado photos.
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